Letter to Our Lady

Dear Mary,

I have been praying lately to grow closer to you. I see around me so many Catholics who have such a deep devotion to you and I am beginning to feel like I need that. I am beginning to feel like I want that.
I am a convert, and did not grow up learning all the Marian prayers and feast days and songs and titles. Devotion to you seems to come so naturally to some people I know. They have such strong feelings for you. My relationship with you seems to ebb and flow.
A friend of mine went to Medjugorje and told me so many stories about her experiences there. I started reading every book about it that I could get my hands on. Then I started reading about other apparitions. I could not get enough. I especially loved the story of Guadalupe. I still do. However, my interest in reading about apparitions eventually cooled. I went on to reading other kinds of spirituality books.
I used to pray the rosary every day. But I rarely pray it now. Lately I find rote prayer to be too dry. But I pray it when I feel called to do so, like during the recent Notre Dame scandal.
I am an empty-nester now, but as my children were growing up, I would sometimes turn to you. I knew you knew what it is like to suffer for one's child. You know it better than anyone. Those were the closest times I have had with you, when I needed your motherly understanding.
And Mary, I love the way they portrayed you in the movie, The Passion. I love the way Jesus teased you when he showed you that table he was making. Was your relationship with him really like that? My boys like to tease me, too. Mothers and sons. What a special relationship we have.
And there was the flashback when Jesus was a little boy and he had fallen. You ran to gather him in your arms and let him know you loved him. I was so moved when you then ran to hold Jesus when he fell with the cross. I know it was just a movie, but it made me think more about what it was like for you. I cannot imagine how you felt when you watched your son die. I cannot imagine.
I, too, am here for my boys when they need me. If they fall, I too, go running to them, to help pick them up, to let them know I love them and I am here.
Are you there for me, Mary? If I fall, will you come running to pick me up and then lead me back to Jesus?
Looking back at what I have written makes me see that you have surely helped me to grow. Grow in prayer. Grow in my desire to know more about spirituality. I do see you as a wonderful role model. And your Magnificat never ceases to move me.
Perhaps my desire to grow closer to you means I already am growing closer to you. I do love you in my own way.
Mary, thanks for being there.

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