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Dear Jesus
>> Sunday, June 7, 2009
Dear Jesus,
I went to visit you the other night at 2 am. I love that hour of Adoration. It is so quiet, so peaceful.
But it wasn't so peaceful for me last night. I couldn't keep all of those annoying thoughts and distractions out of my head. All of those worries and concerns that are bugging me right now. I tried to let go so I could listen for your voice. I tried to let go so I could tell you how much I love you. But I didn't succeed. That hour flew by and I left, feeling like I had let you down somehow.
Of course, I know in my head that I didn't let you down. It is only human to have all of those thoughts and distractions. And Jesus, you know what it is like to be human.
I guess you know I led a day of reflection at my church last week. One of the things I talked about was how hard it is to make that journey from head to heart; how hard it is to just love you and let you love us back. We tend to overthink you too much. We tend to think about you and talk about you and learn about you. That is fine. But we need that heart knowledge, too, so we can know you, not just know about you.
I want that heart knowledge. I long for the intimate friendship. I want to love you and let you love me, even when it gets scary at times. Like when I am not in a trusting mood. Like the other night.
Sometimes that happens. That old stuff gets in the way. And I forget to surrender all and just trust you. Letting you love me is scary sometimes. I hope you forgive me for those times I am afraid. Of course, I know you do. Mercy is one of your names.
Mercy and compassion.
I love you, Jesus. I know you know that. You know my heart, Lord. But we all need to hear those words out loud sometimes, right?
I love you.
13 comments:
Colleen, I am sorry you were troubled the other night, but was able to share with our Lord just that. He so much appreciates transparency!! WE are all striving for the same things, the heart knowledge! Amen dear one. Keep at it. Blessings!
((((Colleen))))
Beautiful letter! Sometimes I think those difficult hours are more pleasing to God than the ones where we can do all those things you mentioned. If it makes you feel any better, my hour at midnight this morning was much like yours~ except my problem was fighting the annoyance of the chapel being to crowded. I left saying to our Lord,"not my finest hour with You." But then I thought~I'll let Him be the judge of that.
God Bless!
So sweet and honest. I think you said what a lot of us feel at times. Thank you. XXXOOO
JBR, I find when I am totally open with God, I feel better. God knows what we want and need, but He wants to know - do WE know? Thanks for your encouraging words!
Karinann, I like that - letting the Lord be the judge of it. A crowded chapel at midnight? Wow. Makes me think of St. Therese - she was praying in the chapel and another nun was driving her nuts with some kind of irritating noise and finally St. Therese offered it up to God - her annoyance and her prayers such as they were. God bless!
Heartfelt, I just visited your blog and left a comment! Thanks for your kind words and hugs & kisses! God bless!
Lovely post, Colleen. Thanks for being so open with your struggles; it's encouraging for those of us who share them.
And I go at 3 AM each week (lately). Isn't it a delightful time (once you get past the initial shock of the sleep-wake-sleep thing)? :)
Sarah, I'm glad my words were encouraging. It is nice to know we are not alone.
I love that time for adoration. I do not go to bed before. I'm too afraid I won't wake up! I try to nap in afternoon so I don't fall asleep in the chapel!! :)
I do go to bed, but every week, I pray to my Guardian Angel (who I just call G) and I get up as I need to (alarm doesn't ever seem to work properly...isn't that something?).
Wow. That is trust. You may have inspired me to try that. (and I like your guardian angel's name). :)
What a beautiful heartfelt letter.
Thank you.
Thank you Sadie. I appreciate your comments so much. God bless!
What a beautiful letter.
It is such a wonderful feeling knowing that we can come to Jesus with our fears and feelings knowing he will listen and still love us.
Jamey, glad you liked my letter. Yes, it is a comfort and a blessing to know we are loved just the way we are. God bless.
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