Attending to God's Love

I love reading Thomas Merton. I especially love his journals. He writes about his life, his thoughts, his prayer, his spiritual journey. Sometimes they read like a diary and sometimes they read like a reflection or a prayer. They always seem honest and from his heart.
A few years ago, when I first read The Sign of Jonas, his first journal, I found this quote that I loved so much, I still have a sticky note on that page:
"It seems to me the most absurd thing in the world to be upset because I am weak and distracted and blind and constantly make mistakes! What else do I expect? Does God love me any less because I can't make myself a saint by my own power and in my own way? He loves me more because I am so clumsy and helpless without Him - and underneath what I am He sees me as I will one day be by His pure gift and that pleases Him - and therefore it pleases me and I attend to His great love which is my joy."
I think I love this quote so much because I have been fighting perfectionism for years. I get upset when I am not perfect or I make mistakes. And to think that Thomas Merton had these same thoughts. Somehow it makes me feel better.
And he is, of course, right when he says that God does not love us any less when we make mistakes. God knows our hearts. God knows who we are and who He created us to be.
Why am I so worried about God not loving me any more when I screw up?
If I could only learn to see myself as God sees me, I would have less fear. Fewer insecurities.
I cannot make myself a Saint. I cannot earn my salvation. It is God's work. I just need to trust and surrender to God and, as Merton said, "attend to His great love."
1st published in Prayerful Morsels, Sept. 25, 2009