Thankful for the Blessings of Freedom

This week I am doing this meme a little differently. It may seem a little strange but my life is a little strange right now.
I have been undergoing a personal crisis this past week or so and instead of just listing the blessings I am thankful for, I want to say a great big thank you to all my blogging friends and family and friends who have all been supporting me and giving me affirmation and hugs. Not to mention lots of good advice and prayers.
So I am thankful for all of you and for the blessings of such support.
On this, the Tuesday before the 4th of July, please go to my other blog to see what I have been up to and read my Declaration of Independence! Thank you and God bless!

Thanks to Judy at A Thankful Woman's Book of Blessings for hosting this meme! Please visit her blog to check out more postings and participate as well!
Another blessing! Judy also interviewed me on her Daily Blessings site.

The Lord's Day

Last Sunday, Karinann at Daughter of the King, announced that she was closing down her blog on Sundays. I thought it was a wonderful idea but I have to admit that I felt a little nervous about doing the same thing. This past week has been a real trial for me. I have had a busy weekend. Today may be the only day I get my computer stuff done.
Am I making excuses? Maybe. I do feel it is important to honor the Sabbath in some way. This is one of the reasons I started my Sabbath Moments meme on Saturdays.
So I will try it. I will try to take at least part of Sunday until sundown like Karinann is doing. I may post only a picture and/or prayer like Karinann suggested. Call me a copycat!!
I think it is a good thing to try. This is another way for us to put God first.

Sunday Snippets - A Catholic Carnival June 28

This is the weekly Catholic Carnival! Be sure to visit RAnn at This That and The Other Thing and check out others participating in Sunday Snippets this week. Why not join us and share a blog post or two from last week?

Here are some of my posts from this week.

Reasons I love Being A Parish Secretary

Finding Sabbath Rest

The Lord is Near

Never Alone

Finding Sabbath Rest

Today is the day for sharing our Sabbath Moments! If this is your first visit, you can read more here about this meme. If you would like to share your Sabbath moment(s), please copy my Sabbath Moments button on the sidebar into your post. Then come back here and sign into Mr. Linky below. Thanks for joining us!

Here are two of my Sabbath Moments this week.
1. I was stressed when I was at work on Thursday, so I went to the chapel and sat before the Blessed Sacrament for about 30 minutes. I said a little prayer but then I just sat with the Lord, resting in His presence. I could feel the fatigue and stress just sliding off my shoulders.
2. Today I went to the infusion center to receive my Remicade infusion that I get every 6 weeks. (It is a medication for rheumatoid arthritis.) I was feeling pretty low, and wishing I was home. I had brought stuff to do to pass the time and a book to read, but I decided to abandon my plan and take this time to hang out and just "be" with the Lord.
I was sitting near a large picture window where I could see all the trees in a small wooded area. I love butterflies and I was so happy when I saw a yellow butterfly flying about. Then out of the blue, the wind picked up and it started to rain. The trees and bushes danced about and then I saw 2 more yellow butterflies! They were darting in and out of the branches, flowing with the breeze.
I felt a little better. I was very glad I had paused in my day to sit with the Lord and watch some of His creation put on a show.

Remaining in Our Savior's Love

God has spoken to me through a lot of people this week.
I felt His hand when my co-workers reached out to me and gave me a hug and let me know they were there for me.
I felt His hand when my sister emailed me and gave me support.
I felt His hand when my former spiritual director emailed me with just the right words that made me laugh.
I felt His hand when I read a scripture verse today that I got from - Word of God Everyday.com -Remain in my love. John 15:19
In this world where things often do not make sense and people can be so cruel to one another, I really needed to remember that I am a child of God, and I can get through anything if I remain in God's love. I can feel safe and protected and, well, loved.
Please join us by writing your own post about how you experienced the presence of the Lord this week. Click on the graphic on my sidebar and go to Karinann's blog to sign up with Mr. Linky! Thank you, Karinann, for hosting this great Friday meme! It helps me keep aware of where I encounter the Lord all week.

Big Small Successes

My Small Successes this week seem to be slightly "big" ones. At least for me, they are big.
1. Often when I am on vacation, I worry about the office. I feel guilty that others have to do my work, so I will try to do some of my work ahead of time. Well, after taking last week off, I was supposed to go back to work Tuesday, but things happened. My co-worker offered to do the bulletin for me so I could take another day off. I accepted the gift she offered and never stressed out about it either. And she did a great job, of course. (Should we count this as a BIG small success?)
2. In the middle of a personal crisis this week, rather than withdrawing and shutting out the world like I normally do, I reached out to friends and people I knew who cared. And I was amazed at the support. And I was amazed at myself. (another BIG small success?)
3. And I am not going to stress out about not having a 3rd entry for my Small Successes. Does this one count?
Be sure to visit Danielle Bean's site at Faith & Family and read about other "small" successes!

Reasons I Love Being a Parish Secretary

I love being a parish secretary because:

I can talk about God all day long with my co-workers.
I can talk about God all day long with people who come in my office.

People call and ask me to pray with and for them.
People call and tell me their stories, just looking for someone to listen.

I work just across the parking lot from the church.
I work just across the parking lot from the Blessed Sacrament.

My job is more than answering phones and doing the church bulletin.
My job is a ministry as well as a job.

I work for a priest and am able to help make his life easier.
I work for parishioners and am able to help make their lives easier.

I work with people who love God.
I work with people I love.

I serve God.
I love God.

There are probably more reasons I can't think of right now. If you are a church secretary or know a church secretary, perhaps you have something to add to this list.
image source

The Lord is Near

The Lord is near to all who call on him. (Psalm 145:18)
I have been calling on the Lord a lot this week. I have prayed my favorite prayer of "help" more often than usual. It has been a rough week and looks like it will soon become rougher. I am facing some dark, stormy weather.
When I am in a storm, I think of Peter trying to walk across the water to Jesus, and then his faith begins to waver, and he begins to sink. I thrust out my hand like Peter must have done, and I grab onto Jesus' hand and I hang on with all my strength.
I know that the Lord is always near, whether we call on him or not. But when we call on him, especially when we are troubled, when we are in a storm and our boat threatens to overturn, it seems like we sense God's presence more.
Or are we just more alert? When I am in a crisis, I always feel like my nerve endings are standing at attention, ready to feel all there is to feel. Pain, fear, and even joy.
Happiness is knowing the Lord is near whenever I call on him, and even when I don't.

image source

Thankful for Blessings - June 23

This week is a rough week for me to think of my blessings. BUT that is why this meme is such a good one to do. It forced me to look at what I have to be thankful for.

1. I am thankful that my husband is such a good father to our boys.
2. I am thankful for the ER staff that took good care of my husband when he fell and broke his arm the other day.
3. I am thankful that my husband did not sustain a worse injury when he fell.
4. I am thankful for my friends, including my blogger friends, who have supported me and prayed for me.
5. I am thankful for my Father in heaven who loves me and holds me up and gives me hope and turns bad things into good.

Thanks to Judy at A Thankful Woman's Book of Blessings for hosting this meme! Why not join us? Blog about your blessings and link to Judy's blog and visit some of the others who have also posted their blessings!

Never Alone

Have you ever felt or heard others say that things are going so well that something bad must be going to happen? I really do not think like that, not these days. But there was probably a time I did. A time before my Abba swept me off my feet.
However, this kind of thing has happened to me quite a few times: I experience God's presence in a powerful way and I am on top of the world and something happens that darkens my world. And I realize at some point, often pretty quickly, that the powerful experience of God was meant to fortify me in some way, to prepare me for the dark time.
Last week I took a much needed vacation. I had been so tired and stressed and a few days at the beach had changed all that. It had filled me with much needed rest and peace. Then I come home and a day or two later, my world threatens to cave in (see my other blog).
And I have to call on faith and hope and love and all that God gives me to stay upright. And the memory that God has been there with me at many difficult times in my life reminds me that He is here with me now and He will get me through this like He always does. I am not alone and I have never been alone. (image source)

Sunday Snippets - A Catholic Carnival June 21

This is our weekly Catholic Carnival! Be sure to visit RAnn at This That and The Other Thing and check out others participating in Sunday Snippets this week. Why not join us and share a blog post or two from last week?

I wrote a lot about the beach this week because I was on a much needed vacation. Read about God's loving song to us - Jesus, Waves and Sunsets and my Sabbath Moment at the beach - He Refreshes My Soul

And here I write about loving God by letting God love us - Letting God Love Us

He Refreshes My Soul

I have been posting about the beach all week, so I feel like I am repeating myself. But this was definitely a Sabbath moment.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. In verdant pastures he gives me repose; beside restful waters he leads me; he refreshes my soul. (Psalm 23:1-3)
I was so tried and stressed. I needed some time off so I took a week off from work. For 3 days, my hubby and I went to a beach a couple of hours from our home. We found a hotel right on the beach and rarely left it. We spent each day either on the beach or in our room or sitting on our balcony staring at the water.
When we were hungry, we ate. When we were thirsty, we drank. When we were tired, we napped. When the sun set, we watched.
I finished one book and started another one. I prayed and read scripture. I listened to some spiritual reflections on my Ipod by Dr. Peter Kreeft.
On the last night, I was sitting on the balcony, listening to a reflection about prayer. I was looking at the beach and watching the sky change colors after the sun had set. The speaker was talking about praying with scripture. He mentioned Psalm 23 and I dug out my prayer card that I had just stuck into my purse before leaving home. (God-incidence?) It was Psalm 23. So I read it. And I prayed it.
The Lord is indeed my shepherd. And this week He has led me beside restful waters. And, without a doubt, He has refreshed my soul.
I knew I had found a mantra to pray with for a few days or however long I needed it: “He refreshes my soul."
Thank you, Lord, for this Sabbath rest.

If you would like to share your Sabbath moment, please copy my Sabbath Moments button on the sidebar into your post. Then come back here and sign into Mr. Linky below. Thanks for joining us!
(Also published in this week's issue of "Prayerful Morsels" - just had to share it with everybody!)

Jesus Gives Us Rest

Where did I experience the touch of the Savior's hand this week? So many times I felt His presence. I felt Him in the sunsets I watched. I felt Him in the time I spent with my husband. I felt Him in my prayers and scripture readings this week.
It was all that silence, that silence that I have craved for such a long time. I was able to hear God's call to pray and I prayed a lot this week. God is always the one who initiates prayer, asking us to spend some time with Him.
Well, I spent a lot of time with the Lord because of the blessing of this week off. Believe me, I needed to make up for a lot of lost time when I have been too tired or too busy to pray. I made new resolutions about praying and resting and not getting to that point of exhaustion that I felt.
It seems like I felt peace this week, too. Like Jesus was telling me - Come to me with your burdens and I will give you rest. How many times does He tell me that and I do not listen? Well, this time I listened. Thank you, Jesus.
If you wish to join us in sharing our moments with God, please post your story and share with us by visiting Karinann's blog, Blessings for the Day. Be sure to read the other contributions too.

Jesus, Waves & Sunsets

Dear Jesus,
I finally did it. I got away for a few days. I am at one of my favorite places - the beach.
The other night I watched the sunset. It is always so beautiful on the beach. It was a large orange ball that turned red as it dipped below the horizon. I felt your presence so strongly.
And my hubby and I were sitting there, drinking it all in. He was teasing me and making me laugh like no one else can.
Thank you for the gifts - the gift of my husband and the gifts of rest, laughter and sunset and the gift of You.
I was listening to an audio reflection by Peter Kreeft. I found out about it through Sarah at just another day of Catholic pondering. I listened to his meditation about the sea. I really enjoyed it and especially loved how he ended it. He said that when we have a favorite song, we eventually get tired of it and move onto another. But we never seem to get tired of God's song in the music of the waves.
The reason, Dr, Kreeft said, is that waves slapping the shore over and over is God's song telling us "I love you, I love you, I love you."
I don't think I will look at - or listen to - waves the same way again.
Thank you, Jesus.

Putting God First

This is reposted from 9/06/08

I am one of those people who keeps lists. I like lists, especially Things To Do Lists. They help me to keep my life organized. And I like crossing things off my lists. Makes me feel like I've accomplished something, I guess. Makes me feel productive.
At the top of my list is God. Or at least God is supposed to be at the top of my list. God is supposed to be Number One. Always. I am supposed to think of God first before speaking. I am supposed to pray to God first, before deciding, before writing, before doing anything. Put God first and everything else will follow. Sounds good.
But for some reason God keeps sliding down that list and becomes Number 2 or maybe Number 3 or ... well ... you get the picture. I keep finding other things I need to do first. And then when things get a bit discombobulated, I wonder why.
The problem is, I sometimes put God on the wrong list. God is not a Thing to Do. He is no more a thing to do than kissing my husband good morning or telling my children I love them. God is not a task to be accomplished and then crossed off the list.
God is Love and Life and Light. God is my creator and my everything. God belongs in my heart, permanently, never to be crossed off.
Will I always remember to put God first? Nope. I will forget. But praise God, He never forgets. He has a way of reminding me of things. Works better than lists.
"For in him we live and move and have our being" (Acts 17:28)

Thankful for Blessings - June 16

I am very thankful for all my blessings today and everyday. Here are some of them:
1. My Vacation at the Beach - I am on vacation and enjoying this quiet time at the beach. I decided I was so thankful I had to do this post!!
2. My husband who needed this time away as much as I did and loves me just the way I am.
3. The sunset I saw tonight.
4. My blogging friends who support me and each other and have added so much to my life.
5. My boss who let me have the time off and my co-workers who are doing some of my work this week while I am gone. Thanks.
Thanks to Judy at A Thankful Woman's Book of Blessings for hosting this meme! Why not join us? Blog about your blessings and link to Judy's blog and visit some of the others who have also posted their blessings!

Silence

I am on vacation!! Yay!! I am at the beach for a few days to get some rest and nourishment for my heart and soul. So I am re-running some past blog posts.
This one is re-posted from 8/18/08.

I am called to silence. I do not get enough of it. Some of that is my fault I would guess. I seem to need to be busy all the time. Or maybe I am avoiding that silent time, when I can no longer pretend I am someone else. I am just me. Sitting exposed before my God, whom I claim to trust. Then where does the fear come in?
Anyway, I do desire silence. And I know I am called by God to be silent. I know it in my heart. And I know that I need to respond.
Why do I find other things to distract me?
I am reading a great book about silence. It is called "Holy Silence, The Gift of Quaker Spirituality," by J. Brent Bill.
J. Brent Bill writes about how we need to, as the Quakers call it, hold the silence. Hold it like it is fragile and about to break.
After all, silence is precious. A precious gift. And we need to hold it, so we can be still. And know God is with us. And know God is calling us.
And know we are listening to the God of our heart.

Letting God Love Us

As I posted early this week, I started listening to an audio retreat done by Fr. Tom Shanahan. It has truly been a blessing.
In the talk I listened to the other day, Fr. Tom made the statement that the best way "to love God is to let God love us." He said that to let God love us is to put the focus on God rather than on ourselves. To let God love us is to receive His gifts with gratitude and to use those gifts.
I remember being on a diaconate retreat with my hubby a couple of years ago. The priest directing the retreat told of how a woman once came to him, a little concerned about her "after Communion prayer." She said she didn't know if she was doing it right because she wasn't using any eloquent or "holy-sounding" words. In fact, she wasn't using any words at all. She told the priest that after she received the Eucharist, she would just sit there, and let Jesus love her. Well, (no surprise here), Father told her she was praying just fine.
We so often think that we need to run around and say fancy prayers and DO so many wonderful things for God in order to show him we love him. But then it becomes all about us rather than all about God. We begin to think that it is OUR ministry and it is OUR prayer that is so special or holy or whatever.
But when we sit with the Lord and let Him pray in us and let Him lead us and let Him decide what fruits will come from our ministry, well, then, that is when we are really letting God love us. When we surrender all to Him, even our will, we are telling God that we trust Him and that we love Him and we do not need to be in charge.
It took me years to let my hubby into my heart. I was not a very trusting person. I was scared to death of love. I was scared of loving and of being loved. But I grew to trust him. And when I knew I loved him, that was when I could finally let him love me back.
I was the same way with God. It took me years to trust Him enough to let Him in, to let Him love me, to let Him guide me. It took years to understand that all God really wants, is me. He calls me - He calls all of us - to Himself.
To let God love me is to let God work in me and pray in me and rest in me and to pour His graces into my heart.
Dear Lord, help me to let you love me, to not reject your gift of love, but to accept it, with trust and surrender and humility. Amen.
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Sunday Snippets - Catholic Carnival June 14

This is our Catholic Carnival! Be sure to visit RAnn to check out her blog and others participating in Sunday Snippets this week. Why not join us and share a blog post or two from last week?

This week I wrote a letter to Jesus and started a new meme.

Sabbath Moments - Resting with God

Dear Jesus

The Honest Scrap Award

Karinann from Daughter of the King has awarded me the Honest Scrap Award. Thank you so much, Karinann! In accepting this award, I need to do the following: 1) Say thanks and give a link to the presenter of the award. 2) Share "ten honest things" about myself. 3) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged me. 4) Tell those 7 people that they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving it :)


Honest things about myself
1. I am an introvert. I have to muddle things over in my mind lots of times before responding about things or opinions. I do not like large social events. I do better with small gatherings with people I know.
2. I am addicted to chocolate and iced coffee.
3. I am overweight and have been dieting my whole life and I am tired of it.
4. I am an incest survivor and no longer feel that I have to hide it.
5. I love to read and have way too many books. I am going to have to give some away!
6. I love to do talks and retreats on spirituality. It is a lot of work beforehand but when I get up to speak, I feel like the Holy Spirit is just filling me up! I am a spiritual director as well and I feel it is such an honor and privilege to be invited into someone's spiritual journey.
7. I love my husband and am so proud of him being a deacon. I do not know what I would do without him in my life. We have been married for 30 years.
8. I have 2 sons and 4 stepchildren and we have 15 grandchildren. Family get-togethers are unbelievable!
9. I grew up in NH but now live in Florida. I came here with the idea of living here only for a year but now it has been 31 years so I think it is time to call this area my home!
10. I used to be a nurse but got burned out. I am now a parish secretary, have been for 17 years, and love it!

I have given this award to other people and have noticed that some of my followers have received this award. Therefore, I wish to give this award to followers of mine who have not received it (as far as I know) and other blogs I have discovered recently.
1. Connie Arnold at Inspirational Poetry of Joy and Peace- her poems are beautiful
2. Kelly at Gratiae ut Deus - her blog is beautiful and I want to spend some more time there. 3. Jamey at A Peaceful Place - when I visit her blog, I feel the peace. She has beautiful pictures there.
4. Squelly at The Dreamer's Day - she shares her faith and her knwoledge and her poetry
5. Deacon John at Deacon For Life - he has lots of sites to visit, his pro life blog keeps me informed on the latest news.
6.Debra at And It Came To Pass - has beautiful artwork on her blog and shares her family life and her faith
7. Barb at SFO Mom - member of Secular Franciscans, writes about her family and her faith

Thank you all for your reflections and ideas and info and inspiration!

Sabbath Moments - Resting with God

This is the first week of my new meme - Sabbath Moments. I invite you to share with us one or more Sabbath moments you may have had this past week. To participate, please post about your moment(s) and link to my blog post here. Then link back to your post from mine using Mr. Linky below. You are free to use or not use my Sabbath Moments button.

This week I was feeling stressed and exhausted. I was running from one thing to another. I knew that I needed to take time to be still. So I took some time every day to do a little reading. That was helpful but still, I knew I needed to be still with God. To just rest in God with no agenda, no to-do list. And that included no prayer to-do list either. Just Be with God.
Two evenings after dinner, while my hubby was reading in the other room, I spent some quiet time with God. I just laid on my bed and rested and spoke to God and then listened. Was I afraid of falling asleep? Yes, but I figured, if that happened, so be it. The Holy Spirit works in our sleep as well.
But I didn't fall asleep. I just rested for close to an hour. It was good for my emotional and physical and my spiritual health. It was renewing. Which is what Sabbath moments are for, aren't they?

Sabbath Moments Meme

If you read my blog, you know I have been fascinated with the idea of Sabbath Moments. I posted about it here and here. I read about it on Terry Hershey's website and many other websites. And I looked at my own life and I just knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was being called to have more Sabbath Moments in my life.
Sabbath moments are a way of taking time, just "being" instead of "doing". Sabbath time is time to rest in God, to enjoy God in silence or in nature. Sabbath moments can include: taking a walk, watching the sunset, sitting by the beach, listening to music. Sabbath moments can be a few minutes, an hour, a half a day or ideally a whole day!
Sabbath moments can be planned and they can come up spontaneously, like rounding a corner in the road and seeing a gorgeous rainbow. The word sabbath comes from a Hebrew word meaning "cease." And that is what we need to do sometimes, cease our activity and live in the moment and breathe in God.

I have decided to start this meme because I am hoping it will help remind me to rest and I have scheduled it for Saturdays. We (whoever wishes to participate) can look back over our week and share our Sabbath moment or moments. Then hopefully, we can enjoy some Sabbath rest on Sunday, and be reminded throughout the next week to slow down and "be still."
Feel free to copy my button for this meme which is in this post and on my sidebar as well. (By the way, the button was created by Nicole Bateman at Pixel Boutique, her button with link is on my sidebar.)

Touch of Our Savior's Hand - June 12

This week I felt the touch of the Savior's hand through my son. My "baby." My 22 year old.
We were having a discussion. There was a decision that needed to be made and I wasn't sure who should make it. It was something that probably affected me more than him and I was beginning to think that I should not let him be burdened with it. Maybe I needed to make the decision. Maybe I needed to do my "Mom thing."
Suddenly my son said that he was going to pray about it (which made me happier than I can even express! He was turning to God!). He wanted to take the burden off my shoulders by making the decision himself. He didn't want me to have to worry about it.
Come to me all who are burdened and I will give you rest. Jesus was talking to me through my son. My grown-up son.
Thanks to Kariann for hosting this meme every Friday. Please join us or read others' submissions. You can find her blog by clicking on the meme button on the right sidebar.

Audio Retreat

I have started an audio retreat. I put it on my Ipod and I can listen in the car on my way to work every day. This particular retreat is a series of 14 talks by Fr. Tom Shanahan, SJ. Each talk is about 30 minutes long. (Perfect for me!!) You can listen to these on your computer or burn a CD or use mp3 format like I did. And there are other ones listed there as well. This is through Creighton University.
There are other online spirituality resources there. Check out this page.

Small Successes - Managing my schedule

My Small Successes for this week all seem to have the same theme: I felt like I was in charge of my to-do list rather than the to-do list in charge of me!
1. Made sure I got some reading time in everyday. I have been missing it and finally decided to make it one of my priorities. I have so enjoyed it!
2. I drive 35 to 40 minutes to work and I like listening to audiobooks. This week I listened to an online retreat that I have been putting off and it was a great way to start my day. Gave me food for thought that I might need to post about!
3. I did not write a new post everyday. I missed one or two. And I forgave myself for not being perfect. This may belong on the Big Success list!
Be sure to visit Danielle Bean's site at Faith & Family and read about other "small" successes!

Thankful for My Blessings - June 9

I am thankful for so many blessings.

1. I am thankful for my pastor and bishops. Had an opportunity to go to special Mass and celebration of our retired Bishop's 50th anniversary as a priest. Amazing, 50 years. He is a good man, so loving. Many gifts.
2. I am thankful for the blessing of my job that I love. I remember once working at a job that I did not like. That is difficult to do. Sometimes we have no choice. But I have been church secretary now for 17 years. A real joy.
3. I am thankful for the blessings in my ministry as a spiritual director. I have been doing this for about 13 years. My own spiritual director helped me discern the call. I did not feel qualified in the least. He reminded me - God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
4. I am thankful for God and for His everlasting love.
5. I am thankful for the vacation I am having next week and especially the few days we will spend at the beach. I love going to the beach. I always feel so close to God there. It feeds my soul.

Thank you to Judy who hosts this wonderful meme at A Thankful Woman's Blessings. You can participate or read other posts by visiting her blog. It helps us to remember our blessings, giving us an attitude of gratitude.

A New Award

Thank you to Judy at Benmakesten for this Golden Heart Award. I appreciate all the kind words and the mention of my newsletter, and of course my convertible!! So now I am to pass this award on to 5 more people. So many people are deserving.

Blessings for the Day
Heartfelt Heartlook
Just Be Real
Survivors Can Thrive
The Thrivers Toolbox

God bless you all.

Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,
I went to visit you the other night at 2 am. I love that hour of Adoration. It is so quiet, so peaceful.
But it wasn't so peaceful for me last night. I couldn't keep all of those annoying thoughts and distractions out of my head. All of those worries and concerns that are bugging me right now. I tried to let go so I could listen for your voice. I tried to let go so I could tell you how much I love you. But I didn't succeed. That hour flew by and I left, feeling like I had let you down somehow.
Of course, I know in my head that I didn't let you down. It is only human to have all of those thoughts and distractions. And Jesus, you know what it is like to be human.
I guess you know I led a day of reflection at my church last week. One of the things I talked about was how hard it is to make that journey from head to heart; how hard it is to just love you and let you love us back. We tend to overthink you too much. We tend to think about you and talk about you and learn about you. That is fine. But we need that heart knowledge, too, so we can know you, not just know about you.
I want that heart knowledge. I long for the intimate friendship. I want to love you and let you love me, even when it gets scary at times. Like when I am not in a trusting mood. Like the other night.
Sometimes that happens. That old stuff gets in the way. And I forget to surrender all and just trust you. Letting you love me is scary sometimes. I hope you forgive me for those times I am afraid. Of course, I know you do. Mercy is one of your names.
Mercy and compassion.
I love you, Jesus. I know you know that. You know my heart, Lord. But we all need to hear those words out loud sometimes, right?
I love you.

Sunday Snippets - A Catholic Carnival June 7

Another week has come and gone. I need to try to live in the moment so life does not pass me by! I tried doing that this week by being aware of a Sabbath moment and remembering that God lifts us up!

Another Sabbath Moment

God Lifts Us Up

This is our Catholic Carnival! Be sure to visit RAnn to check out her blog and others participating in Sunday Snippets this week. Why not join us and share a blog post or two from last week?

Seven Things I Love

Thank you to Karinann for this award. I enjoy her blogs and know you will too. I am going to do the same thing she did and pass this award onto any new visitor to my blog as well as my followers who perhaps have not seen her blogs at Blessings for the day and to Daughter of the King.
And now I need to post 7 things I love. Easy!

1. God
2. Family
3. Books
4. Walking the beach
5. Sunsets - especially on the beach
6. Chocolate
7. Candles

Another Sabbath Moment

I lean and loaf at my ease observing a spear of summer grass. – Walt Whitman
This quote is a perfect example of a Sabbath moment. Taking time to "loaf" and watch a spear of grass. I rarely do anything like that, but I would like to do it.
I remember being on a personal retreat once. I had so much time to be alone with God in prayer. I became more observant of everything around me. I sat for close to 30 minutes one day watching ants bustling around, back and forth. I was just fascinated. I cannot imagine doing that these days. I am too busy!! I am like those ants, bustling around, back and forth.
I am still feeling called to find Sabbath moments. To find those moments when I take time to rest, to be still, to be in God's presence. I find I have to be consciously aware of such moments, or should I say opportunities, when I can stop what I am doing and take some time to be refreshed. Time to rest in God's heart.
Last night, I was sitting in the living room and I heard rumbles of thunder and then suddenly torrents of rain hit the street outside. I turned off all the lights and sat watching the rain fall. It was beautiful to watch. It was peaceful and calming and I actually fell asleep for a few minutes. What a blessing that was.
I was reminded that the last time I observed a Sabbath moment, I was watching the rain as well. Must be something about water or the feeling of being comfy-cozy inside while it is wet and noisy outside!
All I really know is, it must be grace.
image source

Touch of Our Savior's Hand - June 5

Touch of Our Savior's Hand is a meme where we share a time this past week when we sensed that God was very near, working in our lives, touching our hearts in some way. Be sure to visit Karinann at Blessings for the Day in order to participate and to read others' contributions.

I have not been feeling good this week. One day the weather was matching my mood. I noticed the dark clouds in the sky outside the church office where I work and heard some thunder. It looked like it was going to be a very bad storm.

30 minutes later, I walked outside to my car to go home and I was surprised to see blue sky. It had not rained at all and the black clouds had moved a little north, away from the office. It was breezy and cool - perfect convertible weather. I put the top down on my car and took off for home, my spirits lifting with the change of weather and the great opportunity to feel the wind in my hair. All the way home the black clouds stayed with me but stayed far enough away so there was no rain near me.

It hit me on the way home that our lives are often like this. We can see storm clouds gathering and we think the worst. And then suddenly, just when we need it, the clouds part and the sun comes out. The storm stays in view, but not enough to rain on our parade.

We are not alone. God is with us, giving us blue skies and a rainbow now and again. We can let the storm clouds ruin our day. We can expect the worst, or we can take a chance on life, put the roof down on our convertible and drive off into the sun.

Small Successes - June 4

My Small Successes this week -

1. I only got 2 hours of sleep Sunday night - stomach problems and rheumatoid arthritis flare. Normally I would go to work anyway, but I knew the best thing I could do for myself was to stay home and sleep. So I did! I took care of myself for a change. I am learning!

2. Kind of an extension of #1 I guess, I have been going to bed earlier than normal all week. As soon as I get sleepy, I go to bed.

3. I found some time to read! Or I should say, I made time to read. I have been so busy lately and I missed it so much.

Thanks to Danielle Bean for hosting this meme and helping us look at our success stories! Visit Faith and Family for more!

Thankful for Blessings - June 2

Thank you to Judy who hosts this wonderful meme at A Thankful Woman's Blessings. You can participate or read other posts by visiting her blog.

1. I am thankful for how all who attended my day of reflection last Saturday. God surely blessed us.
2. I am thankful for my blogging friends who support me and help me to know I am not alone. I received two awards this week!! I will be posting about them soon but I am surely grateful.
3. I am thankful for my husband. There are no words to express how I feel about him and his love and his friendship.
4. I am thankful for ice coffee which is so refreshing and tastes so good!
5. I am thankful for my faith and my love of writing about it!

God Lifts Us Up

Sometimes I am depressed for no apparent reason. Just a little bit of a pity party. And I can't seem to get myself out of it.
I remember one time, it was particularly bad and I couldn't even go to work. I was just feeling too down. I remember sitting in my favorite chair and reading the Psalms. My spiritual director once told me that the Psalms deal with every feeling we could possibly have: feelings such as sadness, happiness, anger and fear.
So I guess I decided to read the Psalms that day hoping to find a way out of my feeling of sadness. It didn't take long to find one of the Psalms that talks about being in the pit. I waited, waited for the Lord; who bent down and heard my cry, drew me out of the pit of destruction, out of the mud of the swamp, set my feet upon rock, steadied my steps, and put a new song in my mouth (Psalm 40:2-4)
At that moment of reading that passage, I suddenly realized, that though I was in the pit, I was not in the pit alone. God was not far away while I suffered. He wasn't way out there, in the heavens somewhere, waiting for me to get my act together. God was right there with me, all the time, holding me through it. The depression lifted, right at that moment. It was like a dark cloud lifted.
I have had some down days since then, days when I felt a bit blue. But none quite as bad as that day. It might happen again, but I am not afraid of it. I just remember that day. I remember and I thank the God who sat with me in my pit. And gave me a new song.

My Witness Talk

I received the audio file for my witness talk at Magnificat in March. Here it is if anyone is interested. It is also on the left sidebar. (It is about 45 minutes.)

Magnificat Witness

A Catholic Abuse Survivor Vents

I did not know whether to write this on my Catholic blog or my Survivor blog. I finally decided it fit in both places because I fit in both places.

Thanks goes to Catholic Fire, who posted a quote that I could not quite believe I was reading. I went to read the full article in Irishtimes.com about a quote made by a Cardinal about the child sexual abuse crisis in Ireland. The headline read "Abortion worse than child abuse, says Vatican figure".

The Quote? "What happened in some schools cannot be compared with the millions of lives that have been destroyed by abortion. It (abortion) has legally destroyed 40 million lives."
I needed a couple of days to calm down and to pray about what I needed to say. Here is my venting:

1. One cannot compare abortion and child sexual abuse at all - period. As a pro-life Catholic, I do not argue that abortion is a crime against humanity. But so is sexual abuse. How can we compare one evil to another? How can we say one is worse than another? Does he really think that God is thinking like that?

2. And how do we compare pain and loss? To minimize someone's pain is to add to that pain.

3. Both abortion and child abuse have endless ripple effects, increasing circles of pain and grief in victims' friends, relatives, future spouses, children, etc.

4. The number of children sexually abused since the beginning of time is beyond trying to figure out or even guess. For sure, it is an under reported crime. I did not report mine. Neither did my sister. Neither did most survivors I have known. Statistics these days say 1 in 4 girls are abused and 1 in 5 boys are abused. It is estimated that there are over 39 million survivors of child sexual abuse living in the United States alone. God only knows how many there are in the world.

5. There are different kinds of death. Soul death. Survivors of child sexual abuse have had their lives destroyed in many ways. Every aspect of a survivor's life is affected by the abuse - physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual. Survivors suffer for many years, many for their entire lives. Unless they experience major healing. But even so, it is never really gone. Especially when our suffering is minimized by someone we may look up to or respect. Someone like a Cardinal in the Catholic Church.

I am praying. I am praying that both abortions and child sexual abuse stop. I am praying for this Cardinal. Why on earth, especially in light of what we went through in the United States with our own sexual abuse scandal, would he make such a statement?

I am praying for the Irish survivors of sexual and physical and emotional abuse. I am praying that God will help them to heal. That they will know that they are not alone. That they will know the love of their Mother, Mary.

I am praying for all survivors of child abuse, that we will all find healing and hope. And that, in this time of darkness, we will find the courage to speak out and be the Light of Christ.
And I will keep praying. Please pray, too.